In the 1970s and 80s, two women, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, wrote books and began giving lectures about how to speak to children. One of the books is entitled, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk." Can any teacher or parent ask for more than that? Along a similar line, but providing examples directly from classroom situations, they published "How to Talk so Kids Can Learn At Home and In School." The fact that the books first came out decades ago matters not at all. Technology may change by the week, but people are still the same inside. The information in these books is fundamental to teaching.
If you're like most people, you speak to children the way you were spoken to as a child. Sometimes I've heard teachers blame, embarrass, scold, and criticize with no attention to how the child might be feeling. I've heard adults tell children that their problems were all their fault because of the way they acted towards others, and they had better shape up or they wouldn't have any friends.
The books give teachers specific language to use in various situations. For example, if a child doesn't want to read, they might say, "This book is stupid!" What's your reaction? Some might make a quick comeback like, "No it isn't. You're not doing your work." The basic premise of Faber and Mazlish's book is to first acknowledge a child's feelings. That can go a long way. Instead one might respond with, "Oh, you really don't like this book." Take the conversation from there and see what happens. The child might tell you what they don't like and you can sympathize. They might need more support from you or a partner. They might be feeling bad about something that happened. In any case, you want to be an ally and not a critic.
Here is a link to upcoming online workshops to learn and practice how to speak to children.
Here is a link to workshop kits you can purchase and do with colleagues.
As much as we may believe in kindness, the most important thing about teaching, it is so easy during a stressful day to fall back on old habits and to talk to kids in the manner we were spoken to. Sometimes we don't have the language in our heads so the right words don't come out. That's the value of the workshops. They give us the actual language to talk to children in a manner that enables them to listen to us and to learn at school.
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